Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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