I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
