Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
