When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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