I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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