and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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