That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
