i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
