problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
