I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
