I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
