remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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