I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Did I show you my penis last night?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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