We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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