i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
