So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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