So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
