sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
