so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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