Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
