Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
