She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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