Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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