dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh god it's open bar.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
