A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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