I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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