You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
