Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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