I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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