I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
