the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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