who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
what day is it and did you see me today?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
