A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
