there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
