She is in my trunk
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
