i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
