you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Randomize