tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize