Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
