I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
