I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
