ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
