Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Sponge bath it is.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
