i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
