i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
