I can't watch pbs sober anymore
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you traded sex for a burrito?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
