the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
