so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
