I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
