Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
