I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
