Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
