And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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