Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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