he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
