It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
