I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
