don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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