I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
