he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
