I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
