But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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