I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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