watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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