last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
