there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
