Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize