:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
