You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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