between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
