I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
