You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
