I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
