Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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