dude i'm inner monologue high
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
