my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
