It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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