just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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